The first paragraph, "Schmetrics was founded by three lifelong friends to address the pain points we have felt repeatedly over years of working in software..." - provides no actual information. You can delete it entirely.
The second paragraph starts "Our platform is based on modular, flexible design principles" and is just as bad. It hardly hints at what the product does.
The last two paragraphs at least mention analytics in passing, but again don't tell me anything that I couldn't have guessed - "we believe our customers are our greatest resource when it comes to generating and validating the ideas" should be taken as default for any intelligent startup.
Don't worry - these aren't dumb mistakes. This stuff (figuring out your messaging) is really, really difficult. Reading between the lines, it sounds like your product solves a problem that I have and I'm very excited to know more about it.
Maybe you should revisit your answer to the YC application question "What is your company going to make?".