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Comment by slategruen | Hacker News Reader

> Is gay sex going out of fashion too?

Glad you pointed this out. As a bisexual guy, I'd like to give some input. Sex between homosexual men is definitely not getting out of fashion. As a lot of these dating apps encourage short-lived relationships, it incentivizes a lot of these men to not commit in relationships and just have "fun." On the other hand (note that this is only based on my experience), a lot of women seem to have set higher and higher expectations within these dating apps similar to how it is in a typical social media platform like Instagram. I can't blame them though, it's part of human nature to aspire for more.

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As another bi guy, dating apps have been a godsend for the LGBT community (though they've cannibalized other valuable parts of the culture, like gay and lesbian bars). It's exactly what I think most straight men imagine dating apps to be before their naivette is crushed: you hop on, exchange a couple messages with someone, and then meet up. It's pretty pleasant, and there's no sense that you have to hold onto someone forever on the basis that if you don't, it'll be months or years before you meet another person even vaguely interested. Different people have more or less success, but very few people have no success, and it's never a painful experience requiring dozens of hours of emotional labor to even meet with someone.

The contrast in experience on them versus heterosexual apps is shocking. Apps are kind of ideally suited for a relatively homogeneous population of gay men, but the bifurcated population that uses heterosexual dating apps leads to pretty bad outcomes. Particularly for men, but for women as well.

>I can't blame them though, it's part of human nature to aspire for more.

I don’t even think it’s any kind of aspiration, it’s just that women are completely overloaded with matches. All the claims of “women pass 99% of the time” really don’t paint the whole picture, because in my experience men swipe right 99% of the time. Wouldn’t you also only pick the best of the best if you had hundreds of options?

It's just part of the game really. The only effective way to have women stay in these dating platforms is to make them somehow feel unsatisfied.

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