That's painting everyone with the same brush...
It may be true for many projects, but the second largest blockchain (by marketcap), Ethereum, has like 10 independent client teams and a strong concentration on client diversity [1].
The media likes to paint Vitalik (one of the original founders) as the "leader" of Ethereum, but everyone that's actually working in Ethereum knows that he's at best an advisor these days, and has intentionally taken a back seat in terms of leadership to avoid the very effect you are describing.
> And very far below that is everyone else. You can run your "full node", but most nobody cares. Miners decide what goes or doesn't on the network.
> And that's why Bitcoin is the way it is. Back when fees rose to $50/transaction because the capacity was overwhelmed...
That is not why transaction fees are high... and miners do not decide what goes or doesn't on the network. That's a huge misconception.
Transaction fees are driven by demand, plain and simple. Demand is high in a scarce blockspace, so the fee goes up to keep the network stable.
Also, miners can't decide to just change the rules, that's a big misconception of the Sybil problem further driven by popular media. The rules are the rules, if miners don't follow them, clients (full or light) won't follow that chain, period.
Even if 50%+ of miners colluded, all they could do is prevent a consensus from forming (called "censorship"), so basically a DDoS. They cannot change the rules and "trick" clients into following them, as it is often portrayed!
If you're referring to miners having influence on what the rules are, as in influence over development, that's been tried and failed multiple times on multiple networks. In reality, devs and companies/user sentiment drives the majority of "social consensus".
If you need evidence of that, Ethereum's switch to PoS will eliminate mining, and yet it's still happening. For a past example, EIP-1559 was opposed by many large mining pools, still happened (because it improved user experience by making gas fees more predictable / reducing failed transactions -- in direct contradiction to your point).