Comment by irrational | Hacker News Reader

Comment by irrational | Hacker News Reader

You will not get any sleep for a long long time. Our oldest didn’t sleep through the night until she was 7! The rest learned to sleep through the night much quicker, but still… get all the sleep while you can now. But, do keep in mind that this too shall pass. All of my kids are old enough that it has been years since I was last kept from getting a full nights sleep because of the kids.

Do not try to be quiet around the baby. People who have signs on their doorbells saying “please don’t ring, the baby is trying to sleep” make us shake our heads. They are clearly new parents who haven’t learned that the last thing you want to do is to train your children to only be able to stay asleep when it is absolutely quiet.

Prioritize your relationship with your wife or SO. The kids will move out eventually, but your wife will (hopefully) still be there. I know people who refuse to ever get away as a couple because one of them don’t want to leave the kids. Leave the kids with someone you trust and get away on a regular basis.

Sleep is definitely a huge issue when they're very small. I would recommend looking into sleep training and some version of letting them learn to self-sooth (aka "cry it out"). It's not for everyone and it can be emotionally difficult on the parents, but typically within just 3 days you can get your kid sleeping through the night and it sticks ~forever. Do a little reading on the topic, and make sure you're prepared to sit through the crying without intervening and your kid is old enough. We did this with both our kids around 6 months and they have slept soundly through the night ever since (oldest is now almost 4). Biggest life upgrade of our parenting experience.

Also on the sleep topic, I would recommend discussing with your SO about how you plan to deal with lack of sleep and increased stress _before_ the baby arrives. When the baby arrives you will quickly be thrown into a high stress situation where both people are operating on very short fuses and things can easily be misinterpreted. Take some time to discuss beforehand what is expected of each other, and how you can plan to deal with lack of sleep and increased stress, so that you hopefully have a plan of attack before you're in the thick of things

On the subject of sleep, there's no point in both staying up if you don't need to. Take it in shifts so you both get rest.

Good advice unless you’re a single parent, like me. I’ve resorted to allowing my 4 year old to sleep in my bed. Otherwise, I don’t get enough sleep and, as it accumulates each night, life becomes very difficult.

I’m told that in some cultures, children sleep with their parents until much older.

they do, and it's not a problem. just make sure your bed is big enough. in south korea i observed families not using beds but each family member having their own mattress that they all roll out next to each other in the shared bedroom. so everyone got their own space, but can be as close or distant as they want. if you think about it it's not much different than if you would go camping.

Great advice

One thing I didn't understand as a new dad is how hard leaving the baby with other people is

It was very difficult the first time, even though obviously they'll be fine. You need to push yourself a little or you never get used to it. Once you've done it a few times it gets much easier. We have some friends that didn't do this and they still can't leave their babies after 18 months

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