Comment by voidhorse | Hacker News Reader

Comment by voidhorse | Hacker News Reader

> he worked so hard that his marriage became strained and his hair turned white from the stress

yeah, so maybe don’t follow the Einstein principle?

The real issue is this obsession with abstract progress. Einstein was successful because he found something that he believed was important and meaningful. Prior to devoting yourself to some crazy project, I think it’s important to take time to reflect about whether or not the project is actually meaningful to you or if it’s just filler.

This is sort of what this article goes on to recommend, but I’d rather do it talking about meaning and significance in life than organizing everything around “productivity”.

The real issue is this line:

> It’s too risky. If you invest fully in one thing, and then it fails, you’re left empty.

If failure means your project and experience will be entirely sapped of meaning, it’s a good sign it’s not the right project for you. You’re not passionate about the work, you’re passionate about outcomes. Be passionate about the work and the outcomes will fall out naturally, and better yet, if you enjoy your work in itself, you won’t care too much about outcomes.

Reminds me of the 'Feynman Technique'...be as smart as Feynman..it tends to make progress easier

Einstein was smart and well-connected enough to know he was not on a dead end. He had the support of others who helped formulate some of the math. Others are not so fortunate or smart.

The Feynman technique is compatible because it does say to think real hard. Sometimes people are so busy and distracted they don't even get to focus and think real hard. You don't have to be a genius to apply more to a particularly important problem.

This reminds me of Oliver Burkeman’s book Four Thousand Hours which is pretty good antidote to the hyper-productive, outcome-oriented mindset you’re talking about.

> It’s too risky. If you invest fully in one thing, and then it fails, you’re left empty.

Makes me think about marriage with the divorce rate these days

Not ever being married myself, I would think that marriage should be an incredible experience to learn about yourself and your partner. A failed result can always have a positive return if you can find something to learn out of it.

To forego opportunities due to fear of failure or commitment is to miss out on some absolutely amazing experiences in life(and some heartbreaking ones).

The "I would think that marriage should be an incredible experience to learn about yourself and your partner" is quite a bizarre statement.

Marrying somebody means inviting a third party, the State, in private affairs. Now, marriage can be convenient or recommended for religious and tax affairs, particular convictions, and for the protection of kids (then...).

But getting married to learn about yourself and your partner by, in essence, inviting a third party that in typical fashion would obfuscate instead of giving light, reminds me of the guy who wanted to be kicked in the genitals so that he could feel something brand new that day.

Thanks for the realization: married, two children and never thought about it this way.

Only difference is taxes and rights to decide if someone is incapable.

Relationship wise nothing changed. Children however change a lot.

In some states, marriage gives additional rights regarding children. It’s weird, but I think some areas give maternal grandparents more rights than a biological father if something happens to an unmarried mother.

> Marrying somebody means inviting a third party, the State, in private affairs. Now, marriage can be convenient or recommended for religious and tax affairs, particular convictions, and for the protection of kids (then...).

I would think that marriage rates would drop rock bottom if the incentives are removed.

See: most of Europe. Few of my friends and family under 40 are married here. Some are getting married now, but more as a celebration of their relationship than anything else.

I guess I was coming at it from a 'romantic way to express commitment to someone else'. I now realize I have the wrong audience here.

Do you really think by not being married the State isn't in your affairs? Now THAT is a bizarre statement.

I am 100% sure that if I broke up with my girlfriend or boyfriend, I would not need to sign any official documents. As far as I know, the procedure if we were married instead would be a bit more complicated (because of the involvement of the State).

If it were a "romantic way of expressing one's commitment to another person," it would be enough to throw a party with friends, read a couple of fashionable poems, sign a guest book instead of an official register, and not invite the State into private affairs.

As a child of a "failed result" this sounds like an incredibly shallow and self centered view of marriage and a family.

Yes, as an adult who does not know his father, and as a son of a mother who went through 3 divorces, I would say crawl out of whatever box you're in and go enjoy life.

I really hope your whole life isn't centered around the failures of your parents. Then again...sounds like you might be a good candidate to forego the whole marriage and/or relationship thing.

Was he striving to achieve a certain goal or was he exploring a vein? In the latter case there is no failure.

One of the many reasons dating can be so stressful. I wonder if 'traditional' values of married couples sticking together no-matter-what reduced this stress somewhat

I think the data actually shows the highly accomplished, focused, and productive folks have lower divorce rates. Whether that correlates to happier marriages may be another issue.

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