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Comment by andrewstuart | Hacker News Reader

The article is about society in general, but on a personal level I have a "no punishment" policy with my son.

I never punish him and never have.

Whenever he behaves in a way that's not OK with me I first ask myself "does he understand my expectations here, have I already explained my expectations to him?". Usually not, so I explain that his behavior isn't acceptable and why. I very rarely need to do this.

The one time he behaved in a way that made me really angry I dealt with it at the time by speaking to him about it and also with the other people involved and there was still no punishment.

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I don’t know your relationship with your kid, but I’m confused when you say you don’t punish your kids. Maybe you use the word “discipline” them or think that because you don’t physically hit them you never punish them. Talking to/lecturing can be seen as a form of punishment. Refusing to punish a child for their poor behavior could be interpreted as neglect.

Lecturing being a punishment is too flimsy a proposition to build a credible argument on top of. Hardly anyone could see it that way for more than a few seconds without pulling a muscle. At worst it's simply asserting your status as the parent.

Maybe I’m weird, but I hate being lectured, to the point where I’d much prefer physical pain towards me (within reason of course).

I would rather get punched in the face than be forced to listen to the average person speak for more than 5 minutes, my father, maybe I’d give him 3 minutes of lecturing before I’d prefer the punch, we don’t have a great relationship. Many children probably feel the same way.

I suspect there are still consequences here, but GP commenter does not regard them as punishment. I can't imagine parenting without any consequences. Like, I'm going to grab your arm if you run into the road, obviously. Where you draw the line on that depends on the parent.

Along with setting expectations, you can set consequences.

"If you do X, I will do Y."

With that understanding, you've left your child a choice, and you are not being an authoritarian parent, provided your consequences are within reason. Many parents will simply do Y without letting their child know the consequences ahead of time. That can lead to disdain of the parent, rightfully so!

If your boss asks you to setup a meeting, and you invite a salesperson he didn't want there, and he demotes you from being "meeting organizer" for that, is it justified? Was he clear it was an engineering meeting, or tell you not to include salespeople? It depends on the context. Maybe you needed to learn something, maybe he did, or maybe you both did.

Many parenting books do not regard this as "Punishment", yet it is still discipline. See "Positive Discipline" for more on this topic.

How old is he?

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