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> I’m considering an ultimatum but I love her so much.

Dictating, forcing things is not the way to go for such things. You cant force children onto an unwilling mother. Its best if such things are handled amicably and with consensus.

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It's a binary choice. Either who you're with will want kids, or not, and if you're determined to have them but they simply refuse despite all appeals of any kind then what consensus are you talking about? In other words, there has to be a point where you say you're leaving someone unless they also want kids. This is an ultimatum whether you want to call it that or not. Beating around the bush politely about it doesn't change or resolve anything.

Surely an ultimatum is not force but choice, you are asking what the other person's final choice is?

I want chips for tea (deep fried julienned potatoes for your evening meal), you don't want chips, I say "I'll go out for tea then", you decide how important it is for you; you're literally in control.

Clearly the stakes are very different but it couldn't be further from dictatorship.

I don't think avoiding hard choices helps either party in the long run.

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