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Comment by BlargMcLarg | Hacker News Reader

Yet both men and women who have shed some fat weight and maybe got some muscle, saw the world treat them differently and can tell you exactly why you can't trust words over actions. Even the descriptions of these traits alone are extremely vague.

That's not to say they are bad traits, but they certainly aren't the magical bullets that will get you through any door that the women claim them to be. Certainly opens a few eyes when a non-insignificant portion of women saying those words seem awfully lenient to a guy with a higher status and a stronger physique, even if he acts like a jerk.

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There's no magic bullet that will get you through "any door" - every person is different, and every person has different things they want in a partner. There are some people who will absolutely refuse to date somebody who isn't taller than them, and if you're too short, then yeah - nothing you can do will change that.

But there's nothing you can do to change that, so why get hung up on it? There are plenty of other people (I'll drop the dehumanizing metaphor of doors here because it's not needed) who have different criteria that you could meet, and focusing on the things about yourself that make you happier (like being emotionally available, being able to communicate, and having a clear sense of your values) seems like a pretty reasonable way to go about meeting those criteria with a side-benefit of making you happy.

Don't sidestep the argument. I'm clearly talking about things well in reach of most guys to change, yet those aren't the things named in the article or mentioned by most women. At the same time, studies back up these things are relevant and are arguably more relevant than what women typically claim is most relevant to get a foot in.

And that's exactly the point of the other commenters. The advice is generally bogus, as their actions don't align with their words. It's such a common phenomenon, the common advice is "stop asking a fish how to catch it, ask a fisherman or practice fishing some more". There are dozens of things guys can change well in their power that would help, and the words of women aren't helping them get there unless they are really obvious.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to sidestep the argument but I'm also clearly not understanding what you're saying. I read your statement as "Women say they want emotionally available [etc etc] men and yet I see women paying attention to men who are [high status/beefy as hell/richer than god/etc etc] - there is a disconnect here" - is that approximately right?

I'll address that argument, but if it's not what you're trying to say then please correct me. There are many different women, and they all want slightly different things, at different priorities. That said, I think that focusing on mental health, communication skills, and emotional availability pays dividends for everybody independent of whether or not it gets them a relationship.

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