For those if you who have never had sex, how does this (seeing this article) make you feel?
Please be honest. - I feel a combination of envy and hatred (but I wish I didn't feel like this.)
Please be honest. - I feel a combination of envy and hatred (but I wish I didn't feel like this.)
An absolute no-sex-before-marriage upbringing led me to completely bind up and lock away a lot of urges I had as a teenager, to the point that I didn't really want to explore sexual feelings and experiences with someone: I knew what I wanted and just didn't want to deal with the impossibility of it all. I didn't really date or pursue anyone for this reason, to the chagrin of people who were attracted to me (and to whom I was secretly attracted, too).
I don't think that's a great way to feel, and yah I still feel envy when I hear from friends about their early experiences, especially when they are free of hangups and all about two people learning about each other and having fun.
Since I have no idea why you haven't had sex -- you sound like you want it -- I can't offer any advice other than this: Be honest with yourself, comfortable with yourself, and make friends and acquaintances. Be genuinely interested in those people, their lives, needs, and desires. Be open about yours. Have real-world relationships, participate in real-world activities. You're not going to get any by sitting at home alone stewing.
"Sex is natural, sex is good; not everybody does it, but everybody should," cheezy but true words by George Michael.
Reading stuff about colleges in the US, sometimes it seems as if all those kids do is fornicate. I suspect the reality looks quite different.
Just saying that part of the envy might be directed towards a fantasy that never existed. But anyway, I know how you feel...
What stops you from having sex now (assuming you are out of high school)?
> there even were some virgins in the course
I strongly thought in the past that because I was nerdy, I was automatically despised by girls. I know that's not completely true now, but there is a little bit of truth to it.
But to reiterate, I think what gave me this feeling, was thinking that girls hated me coz I was a nerd, etc.
Without writing a novel on the subject, it helps to take a perspective lifted from evolutionary biology, and embrace your inner beast. It's possible to be too much of a nice guy.
Because there's an interesting effect in play here (this applies to both men/women): if you think other people don't like you, then the way you act towards will possibly cause that to be reality. On the other hand if you actually take an interest in others and try to get to know them, even the ones who were initially repulsed by you will have change of mind.
And, as the old saying goes (maybe it's not old, but I've seen it many times), the best way to be loved by people is to love people.
This is a classic nerd's reductionist view of interpersonal interaction. You are not either a nice guy or a bad boy. Your personality has many more degrees of freedom than this. If it doesn't, then that may in fact be your problem.
If you are doing it because you are living out a "covert contract", then people can smell that and it's not attractive.
Have a look-see at this: http://evolutionmale.wordpress.com/2011/03/06/nice-guys-aren...
(Not pointed at lukifer in particular, I'm sure he knows this already).
The real kicker is that if you have a successful startup exit, it gets much worse. My own cynicism grew enormously after witnessing the dramatic change that money brought into women's attitude toward me. The day you realize a woman is sleeping with you merely as a chore to gain access to resources - well, let's just say that's not a very good day.
And on gold-digging women: they should be sufficiently easy to spot and just decide whether the sleeping-with-you and her presence is worth it to you or not. There are also great girls out there who are having just as much a hard time with some dumb male partner who would be happy to be with someone honest and hard working. Don't give up and more importantly, work through whatever pains you from the past.
I don't think so. In general, women are masters of deception (by male geek standards) and you shouldn't expect to beat them at their own game.
In my experience, the only reliable way to spot a golddigger is to reveal that you are broke and have no desire to change this.
It only makes sense that women are genetically programmed to seek males who can be good providers for their children. You are to be complimented for your success. You must take measures (i.e., condoms, etc.) to ensure you are not entrapped however.
If you desire offspring, you should seek a woman who will not pursue sex outside your relationship. A woman who falls in love with you is, of course, most suitable. But make no mistake, your success will enhance your attractiveness to any women seeking a mate, even one who falls in love with you.
Have a look at http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction
Probably gonna get down-voted for peddling PUA filth but whatevs :)
This isn't necessarily because these women are after your money, though I'm sure that's true for some of them. The other factor is that your success in business is evidence of your innate qualities, which makes women more attracted to you.
Oh and, chances are you are a hacker with a good amount of money at your disposal. Nothing wrong with making up for lost experiences in the here and now. If you feel you missed out, there are gorgeous escorts way more lovely than those dumb girls in high school you lusted after and it might just help you polish your confidence a bit. It is up to you if you want to go down that road and try it but hey, more power to you if you do and come to realize that while sex is great, it isn't THAT important once you start having it.
Finding a loving and honest, trustworthy partner will be so much more rewarding.
Just like any other complex system, it takes time and effort to figure out women (and I say this with all the respect to women, from a male nerd's viewpoint). It also involves a lot of failure and disappointment in the beginning; but one does (and must) get used to that in order to make progress. Don't let rejection dampen your enthusiasm.
I'm in my mid twenties and feel exactly the same.
It's not a good feeling to have. Don't let it bother you. Nothing good ever comes out of it.
It automatically made me dislike people who've had sex; and until a couple of years, every single friend I had (in college) was a virgin. (I just wouldn't get close to a non-virgin, because of the feeling of hatred his/her's non-virginity brought.)
In any case, I would say try to get rid of the feeling as much as possible. At the same time - even though it may be hard; try to genuinely care about others and love others. Try to follow this advice: "Be genuinely interested in those people, their lives, needs, and desires. Be open about yours. Have real-world relationships, participate in real-world activities."
You'll be happier person not having these feelings and having true relationships with others.
True happiness comes from love & friendship (not just romantic love.) Having real friendships and being able to serve others and make others happy is what makes men truly happy.
And accept people for who they are; even if they have had stuff you haven't had. (On the same note, accept people who are not as "good" as you - perhaps in areas of skill, like coding, math, etc.)
the small group of friends i have are almost all in tech and they don't introduce me to girls.
i just don't seem to meet other people.