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Comment by futureshock | Hacker News Reader

I am bristling a bit at the suggestion that split finances lead to divorce. I honestly don’t think it changes anything fundamental. You either agree on your priorities and approach to life and finances, and therefore spend your money in a roughly compatible way automatically, or you don’t. Keeping money in one pot does not automatically align or keep you aligned. It’s either a problem or it’s not. Doesn’t matter where you put it.

In my relationship, we avoid force or ways to control the other person. It’s a voluntary relationship. Love is the glue, not a shared bank account or financial dependence.

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I bet split finances is a risk factor leading toward a divorce though. This is probably a higher risk factor if your incomes significantly diverge. If one spouse is making 2.5x the other one and they’re splitting their budget (if they budget… lack of one is probably another risk factor) like college roommates that screams “problem” to me. One spouse is basically living a whole different life. It just isn’t going to work most of the time.

Having split finances doesn't necessarily mean going Dutch on everything. When my wife made more than me, she carried more of the bills. Now that I earn more, I carry a bigger percentage of the necessities. We're still a team, but we have our own bank accounts.

I interpreted split finances as each person pays "their half". If your spouse who presumably makes more than you (not you specifically) pays a lot more and backstops purchases, having your own bank accounts is more of a habit than a practical necessity right? We used to have our own bank accounts too, but then I or my wife would transfer money to one another and we eventually just asked "what's the point of that?" if no matter what happens we're sharing our expenses... Obviously that's what works for us and doesn't apply to everyone, but just wanted to shed some context on what I thought split finances meant.

Half is basically impossible. That’s not what people mean at all when they say split finances. It means that people retain their own personal money in some form instead of it fully being community property. I would consider having a joint account that’s only used for regular expenses to also be split finances if people have their own savings and investments.

The ratio of the split floats around for us, usually depending on income and desire to pay. The important part is that my money is mine and in my name. If I want to spend it on caviar or video games, good for me. If he wants to spend his on a new car, cool. If he wants money for that car he knows he can ask and probably get it, but then I get an opinion too.

exactly this.

we didn't create a joint account because we never even bothered to think about it. it would have just been an extra hassle without any practical benefit. things were paid by whoever was doing the payment. if one account was running low but a payment from that account needed to be made, money was moved.

more of a concern was that i was used to meticulously tracking my expenses, while my wife hated the idea. so we didn't do it as a family, and only did rough budget calculations to see if we spent more than we earned as a compromise.

Split finances leading to divorce sounds more like a symptom of incompatibility rather than causation.

Staggering that I have newlywed friends who still haven't - even after 4 years - decided on kids or not, finances, everything big. AND NOW WE WAIT...

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