In dysfunctional family dynamics, children take on different roles that persist into adulthood. Some children are always scapegoated for the family’s problems. But others are the “golden child” who feels their love depends on their personal success. Parents project their needs and own personal shortcomings onto this kid, and the kid can feel like they carry the burden of the whole family’s success on their shoulders. It’s pernicious. I feel it drives a lot of people that are obsessed with work.
In my family there’s clearly a dynamic where my Dad uses my success to “brag” about how well we’re doing to his own siblings or friends. As if I’m the exemplar of the families success My other siblings are mentioned less. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’ve learned that it’s his issue, bot mine. But it took a lot of work.