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Comment by maerF0x0 | Hacker News Reader

Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom.

This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to see me when I come, to walk down memory lane. But they'll never put in the effort to come see me. Sadly this realization has been the demise of many of those relationships that I was carrying.

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I understand this sentiment, but I've also been at the other end of it. The reality is that most people have a limited amount of travel time, fairly limited amount of money and a longer list of trips they'd like to make. I've got some great friends who've moved to places far away - but unless they're very, very close friends it's really hard to justify spending thousands, taking time off work and then spending hours travelling to see them for a few days. If I was in the area I'd definitely look them up - but I simply can't base my entire family's limited holiday time around seeing them. Add children into the mix and that becomes even harder.

The part that you and peer commenters are missing -- they all wanted to see me, I _did_ travel to them, expended my limited PTO time and money to demonstrate that the relationship was worth keeping alive etc. But it was unrequited. Thats the part that stings the lip service of "Yeah we'd love to make it there someday, why dont you come see us this year?"... I do it. They Dont.

Don't be too harsh. People have their own busy lives and perhaps relationships are often made when they are convenient.

Also, too, sometimes the strength of the relationship is in a shared context — like co-workers. When a co-worker moves on, goes to another company, retires, there is less to chat about were you to meet up later, less shared context.

Your oldest friends though will often always have that shared context of having grown up with you in the same environment, same "era". You act as a foil to one another in the degree to which you turned out differently (also to the degree you stayed similar). Your eyes and theirs will gaze upon the same landscape from the same vantage point: "Look at those kids and their phones, we were out riding bikes when we were their age." (Ha ha, etc.)

When I go back I have a large number of people to visit. When someone comes here they are here to visit me. Motivation is additive - I kind of want to visit X people and so in total it is worth going. While they only have their kind of motivation to visit me.

I get a few visits just because I'm at a large crossroads and a good driving distance away to stop for the night. (they might go a few more hours if I didn't live here, but since they can have supper with me that makes stopping here worth it.

Well, I understand how you feel but... you are the one who moved, not them, I'm not from North America but I imagine it's not a small distance just judging from a map, not that easy.

I have a friend who moved to Switzerland for example, being from Argentina it's impossible for me and almost anyone else to go there and visit him, but he chose that

That happened to me too. When I moved to the US a lot of people said they would visit, especially once I was in California. But so far only two of my sisters and my mom have visited in 20 years. This made me in turn very reluctant to visit people when I fly to Europe. I guess it is what is but it is very disappointing.

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