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Comment by CharlesW | Hacker News Reader

> None of the men I talk to in real life have the experiences I see men complaining about online.

Same. Just from talking to the women in my life it's clear that women experience way more unwanted harassment via online dating apps than I did personally (I met my wife this way), or any men I know did.

Yes, it's harder to men to get attention on dating apps than it is for women. Yes, men on dating apps are targeted by OnlyFans sex workers. If those issues seem insurmountable to you, then my recommendation is to touch grass and go meet people in RealLife™.

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Ask yourself how many women approach and how many women expect to be approached. Now do the same for men.

Here's a bonus: ask men how many women turned 'crazy' after the first night of sex, and do the same for women.

It's almost as if the different sexes have different expectations and modus operandi.

> Ask yourself how many women approach and how many women expect to be approached. Now do the same for men.

93% of women prefer to be asked out on a date, while 16% of men prefer to be asked out. So if you're a man who won't ask women out, you're going to miss out on potential dates with a lot of women. No judgment — that may not be a bad strategy if you're the type of man who needs their partner to "wear the pants", so to speak.

> Here's a bonus: ask men how many women turned 'crazy' after the first night of sex, and do the same for women.

1 in 7 women have been injured by an intimate partner, compared to 1 in 25 men.¹ 1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner, with no comparable data available for men because it's so rare.¹ Dating is far risker for women.

¹ https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-...

I love how when it's women it's rarely reported, when it's men the "reported" drops off and it just becomes rare.

Lets not even get started on the number of female teachers that have sex with students and walk away with no charges, or very light charges.

both sexes have their own challenges, this dismissal of one set of challenges does nothing to further the conversation.

> I love how when it's women it's rarely reported, when it's men the "reported" drops off and it just becomes rare.

Yes, now you're getting it: Dating and physical intimacy is an order of magnitude less dangerous for men, in contrast to the parent commenter's implication (and incel talking point) that I was specifically addressing.

Is it any less of an individual tragedy for the men who are affected? Of course not.

stop perpetuating myths

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_males#Myths_regarding_...

> 93% of women prefer to be asked out on a date, while 16% of men prefer to be asked out. So if you're a man who won't ask women out, you're going to miss out on potential dates with a lot of women. No judgment — that may not be a bad strategy if you're the type of man who needs their partner to "wear the pants", so to speak.

Do you have a source for that because I find it shocking only 16% of men prefer to be asked out.

> women experience way more unwanted harassment via online dating apps

That's because many men have figured out that volume works, and spam everybody. If one answers their spam with annoyance, they're totally amused by sending a really aggressive, rude reply, because you are 0.1% of the "'sup?" messages they sent out that day and don't matter to them. They're irritated that you bothered to reply at all.

Ever trick a phone scammer into talking to you for a long time? When he realizes that you've wasted his time, his reaction is exactly like the 'sup? guys.

I can't tell what your point is. You say "volume works", but reading on it sure doesn't appear to.

I'm not making a point about volume working. Volume works, there's no reason to expand on it. If you spam people, you'll get results. If you spam people with a badly spelled inarticulate message that generates no expectations, the replies you get will largely be exactly what you're looking for, although half of them will be indignant people who you can quickly call ugly or tell to fuck off.

I learned that volume works watching my drummer in my old band. He simply aggressively and tactlessly hit on every pretty girl who got anywhere near him. One out of 20 were down. If you're good-looking it might be more like one out of 10, if you're ugly it might be more like one out of 40. But volume works.

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