Years ago, I was suffering from painful defecation, had mucus and blood come out. I always thought it would get better by just eating healthier or whatever. Never even thought about visiting a doctor. When I finally went, the doctor tested my butt for STDs and what a surprise, it was chlamydia. A round of doxycyclin quickly got rid of the chlamydia, but the damage they did lead to a (peri?)anal abscess, which turned into a fistula. I had a surgery to implant a little "piercing ring" into the abscess, so it could drain and stay drained. Had it in for a few months. Then I had a second surgery to split it.

The pain from the abcess/fistula and the two surgeries was unimaginable. Long after the second surgery, I still suffer from bouts of pain, some weeks it's gone and some weeks it's so bad, I can barely work. If the pain is there, none but the strongest of pain killers and illicit drugs will stop it. When it's especially bad, I visit a proctologist, but they all say there is nothing wrong and it's post surgical pain we can do nothing about. I kept my stool continency by the way, but sometimes I can't hold my farts now.

So, chlamydia. Extremely easy to treat and practically harmless if you discover it early. My regret is that I didn't go to the doctor sooner.

The fun continued when I got, you wouldn't believe it, monkey pox up my butt! You know those famous monkey pox sores? I had less than 10 small, harmless ones on my body, but the inside of my rectum became a bubble waffle. Doctors believe you get the strongest outbreak of them at the place where you caught them, e.g. face/mouth/throat, penis or butt. I had to take sleeping pills for 2 weeks to keep functioning. Getting off of those is very, very hard. My doctor told me he had someone with monkeypox up their urethra and that guy got catheterized for a week because he couldn't piss from pain. As a bonus, the monkeypox also gave me myocarditis. I am still healing from the sores up my butt, 2 months after I could leave quarantine. I will have an MRI of the heart in a month.

I am dumb and unlucky and yet still I deserve this because I just can't stop having casual sex with strangers.