> They are functionally useless as currencies outside the realms of criminal activity

I think this kind of misses the point.

Cryptocurrency has already accomplished incredible things. For example, it's never been easier to buy LSD. DAOs make it simple to work remotely without needing to reside in a specific location.

All the benefits of crypto come from their ability to circumvent regulations. It lets people do business peer-to-peer over the internet, out of sight from national governments and their laws. That's the point.