>Taking aside all of your emotional concerns, you should know right away that women absolutely can have healthy biological children at or past the age of 39.

Definitely check with doctors OP, if this is something y'all truly want. I have friends around your age who are happily playing and traveling with their toddlers. They'll be older for some life events but also more settled (financially and emotionally) than I ever was at my kid's young ages.

Not trying to give false hope, it just reads like you personally decided something was true but that may not be the case. It does read like you may want to talk with someone, it is extremely helpful if only for voicing your ideas similar to here, most therapy folks I've known are very relaxed and just there to listen/help. Best of luck.