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Comment by freyr | Hacker News Reader

> the abysmal dating prospects

It really is bad, right, and not my imagination? I feel like I’ve wasted a decade of my life here on an endless string of bad first dates with no mutual attraction.

It wasn’t like that in other places I’ve lived. I mentioned this to a family member recently, and they said it’s harder because I’m getting older. That’s probably true, but I swear it’s rough in this city.

It’s a bit like buying a house here: you spend a huge amount of time, effort, and money, and end up with less than you’d get back home.

Hope NYC worked out better for you.

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> I feel like I’ve wasted a decade of my life here on an endless string of bad first dates with no mutual attraction.

This was a top3 for leaving. I realized that in the same way my politics are not welcome in the company I work for, so I just disengaged, the politics of SF made me an unwelcome, unwanted form of "diversity". So I left, along with all my tax burden, cultural contributions, and normally positive nature.

I found I had to put in more work to get similar results, from a place that was known to be 'easy' (in hindsight) to a place known to be hard. I found someone in about a year, and although they might not be 'the best', I do love them a lot and we have been together for a long time. Sometimes I wonder if I should've kept on dating sometimes although.

Jesus, I hope your partner doesn’t read HN.

If you’re telling everyone here, I hope your partner feels the same way, and they know you feel this way.

If not, I hope you can get over your FOMO, or just keep searching for this imaginary ‘best’ partner that may or may not exist.

> they might not be 'the best'

The pursuit of the "the best" is one of the most toxic parts of Bay area culture. In want of the "the best" I've seen people double/triple book themselves for events so they can flake on 2 and go to the one they want in the moment. I've seen people endlessly date, permanently unsatisfied with every human they encounter (if you can have 100 dates in 2 yrs and no one lives up to your standards, high probability thats more about you than them). In pursuit of "the best" people undermine eachother at work, and fail to keep their words. On and on it goes.

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