I especially like that one. Me, as a newbie in the industry: "Customer X is a bunch of idiots." Boss: "If they weren't idiots, they wouldn't need us."

This one, on the other hand:

4. The best time to turn it on is before it's ready. You'll get plenty of data to finish it faster.

If it's software, check your backups first.

If it's hardware, ummm, yeeahh, no. Wait 'til it's ready. Trust me on this one.