Thank you for the comment. The word that struck me most in your reply was "absurd". It's a very accurate description. I had always thought the word "horror" was a good label, and "cosmic horror" was a good way of describing a suffering life where you eventually die.

We are like cosmic ants on our little ant hill of a planet that can be kicked over by any number of events not least self inflicted annihilation through nuclear war.

It makes sense to me that most people without meaning will fall into distraction, hedonism or nihilism.

In a way I was lucky as my meaning was thrust on me as a parent. The best way I've heard it put is that the voluntary acceptance of responsibility creates meaning. That said, I was never going to shirk my responsibilities as a parent.

Having someone else who needed me gave me the meaning necessary to endure enormous suffering, to never let go, and to keep pushing through.

If I wasn't a parent I don't know how I would have done.

It's strange now to reflect because my life is so much better now and I'm oddly thankful for the ordeal.