The handshake sequence is exaggerated. It's just usually 3 messages.
The 3 initial messages establish a connection.
A: I would like to tell you something. (SYN)
B: I acknowledge you want to tell me something. (SYN-ACK)
A: I received your acknowledgement. (ACK)
Only then, it is possible to know that the "something" was a joke.
If B answers with RST instead of SYN-ACK the connection is refused. If B doesn't answer, A will interpret this as a connection timeout.