Who exactly used it first appears to be lost to history, but the first known published academic appearance seems to have been in the Fall 2004 volume of a bilingual journal called
Feministas Unidas. It was used there is passing, without explanation, apparently assuming the readers were already familiar with it.
https://people.wku.edu/inma.pertusa/encuentros/FemUn/newslet...There are reports of online usage of both "Latinx" and "Latin@" going back to the late '90s. There are other references to academic uses that I haven't been able to track to original sources after a brief search.
Mainstream media (in English or Spanish) only appears to have discovered it in the last few years. I do get the impression that a lot of early adoption was from English-speaking Latinos in the US, which might explain the apparent incompatibility with actual Spanish. I don't read Spanish myself, so there's only so far I can pursue this. But it's not a recent invention of clueless white people.
"Latine" is a compromise I've seen proposed recently. https://callmelatine.wordpress.com/