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> they're uniformly boring in every conceivable way

This is such concise and brutally accurate way to sum it up, I salute you for this brilliant description. I could not agree more, such a spot-on assertion!

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Your comment sounds almost Seuss-like somehow. Partly that description and assertion is a slant rhyme, but it also feels like there's some kind of (un)intentional pentameter going on

"I am the very model of a modern Major General!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXf0o2d-W5w

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