Hacker News Reader

Comment by lotsofpulp | Hacker News Reader

Starting a family in your 40s sounds terrible. Not only are you physically in decline, so playing and keeping up with kids is not as much fun, but when your kids have kids, you will be too old to be an asset, and likely to be a liability.

Not to mention issues with fertility and increased probabilities of birth defects.

View on HN

There seems to be a big uptick in the number of people who like to scold others for their family planning choices, especially women, and especially for choosing to delay beyond some particular threshold the scolder takes to be ideal (often representative of some imagined sepia toned traditional time). The truth is if you're reasonably affluent nearly all of these supposed downsides can be mitigated and are usually preferable to trying to take care of kids on a shoestring budget while still building a professional and economic foundation.

My comment was not intended to scold anyone. Just an opinion based on experience of having to take care of a couple kids, and watching my dad neglect his kids to take care of his excessively old dad.

> usually preferable to trying to take care of kids on a shoestring budget while still building a professional and economic foundation.

Which does not apply to the person deciding to lease space on a cruise boat for 12 years for a few hundred thousand dollars.

Incorrect. Many think the downsides can be mitigated but the fact is that many women over 30, and especially over 35 will struggle with infertility. Methods like IVF may work but you’re often signing up for a year of stress and anxiety for every child you want. Methods like egg freezing fail far more than people think, and then you’re left with an empty family for the remaining 40 years of your life. It’s a bleak situation and I think people should stop putting it off. At the very least, they should put in some serious thought before they’re 30 to understand their options.

Sure, I guess you can hire someone to represent you posthumously to attend your child’s high school graduation or wedding.

People seem to have an odd sense of fertility time nowadays. My wife was watching some reality dating show last night be a woman on there mentioned wanting 10 children, and hopefully starting to have them once she was 33 or 34.

Good luck. Age 35+ is considered a geriatric pregnancy. Above 40 and the risks are quite large, if you even manage to get pregnant. Almost all of us are having kids way too late, biologically speaking.

not any more odd than getting sense of the world from from reality dating shows.

Heh, that's just one data point I've noticed among many. I've heard plenty of people "start thinking" about having children once they're in their mid 30s. Hell, it's rare for most people to get married until their late 20s/early 30s. I'm not sure what we can do about this and it's certainly nothing that should be rushed, but I feel a good segment of the population doesn't realize the downsides of waiting that long either. Everyone wants to be "ready," but the truth is you never will be.

Well Madonna had her second child rather late in life at 42 but then she has nannies, drivers, private schools and access to the best possible healthcare.

Kids are a taxing experience not only financially - the myriad school activities, transportation needs, doctor appointments, keeping track of what needs to be done, it is like having another YOU.

My parents had me when they were 23, my firstborn when I was 33 and the wife 34 and then two years later, we had the other one.

lol I am 37 and would have no problem parenting. I do go to the gym 3x a week though so wonder if that plays a part.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com