Ah, yes. Jerf's CLispScript Principle of Descriptive Programming Linguistics: Any sufficiently popular language contains as many practical features as possible with a C++esque syntax bolted on, and is approximately the same as contemporary sufficiently popular languages.

It should be noted that sufficiently popular languages incorporate as many buzzwords and design patterns as possible, which I suppose can be accounted for as 'features'.

(Excellent article, by the way).