> you wouldn't be able to install modern apps because the App Store stopped distributing packages that are compatible with your phone

As of at least 2 years ago, I was able to dust off an old first gen iPad from 2010 that last got updated in 2012, reset it and log on and download the “last compatible version” of apps like Netflix, Crackle, Hulu, Plex, and Google Drive.

> You'd be stuck with a 5+ year old browser that you can't upgrade because Apple bans other browsers from running on iOS

You never tried browsing modern websites on older iOS devices have you?