A semi-controversial take for OP and other commenters like OP: Try religion out.

These kids of questions and angsts are very normal and very old. Religion has been there to help with this for a very very long time. If not a daily/weekly practice, then the religious texts that you prefer may help.

For jews/christians, the Book of Job is a good starting place : https://www.bible.com/bible/1171/JOB.1.MEV (MEV lacks the ... poetry of NIV, of course, but is an easier starting place for laypeople, I think)

For hindus, the Bhagavad Gita is is another great starting place : https://www.hinduwebsite.com/sacredscripts/hinduism/gitasoci...

Other recommendations are welcome!