Ask HN: Entrepreneur seeking advice on postponing fatherhood | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Entrepreneur seeking advice on postponing fatherhood

7 pointsmonkeyonethe5 comments

Hey,

34yo male entrepreneur here My latest venture has recently failed, but I still want give entrepreneurship another shot, my plan is to get a dev job at a startup while working on new ideas during evenings/holidays/weekends, hoping to eventually raise some money and transition to work full time on something new. Meanwhile a lot of my friends are getting married and having kids. I do sometimes go on dates, but since I don't have a lot of free time on hands, I don't see myself committing to a long term serious relationship or having kids right now.

My problems are:

1. Wondering if i'll be valuable in the dating market in a few years, would I be able to attract a 30yo when I'm 40? 2. How to handle parental expectations, coming to family events without a partner at this age is getting awkward 3. Is it ok to have kids at 40?, cuz like if i have kids at 40, I'd be 74 when they're 30, since my parents are young 53|55, I feel that it would be kinda weird

Anyways, if anyone has any useful advice/blog posts on the topic I'd be super appreciative.

Thanks!

When I was a teenager, I thought I was probably never had kids because you know... you need to be "ready" (financially successful, being mature, had fun before commitment, to be a good father, etc.) I was questioning when (or if) I would have ever been able to start a family. Even ONE kid seemed too big of a responsibility and a burden.

Fast forwarding when I was 25 I had a few life changing experiences. Even if I was not I was not at all financially successful, mature, feeling "ready" to be a good father, I was desiring to be a father and having a large family (6 kids). I had the feeling that everything was going to work out.

Only when I was 30 I found the right person, that I think it is key, to start a family with and we had some problems to getting kids. We have a "miracle daughter" and we are probably going to adopt down the road.

I do not want to give advice to others in this regards. But even if I have not regrets, if I could go back, I would have got married in my 20s and started having children right away. I realized that having a family make me happier and being a good provider is just another motivator to be successful.

I have seen a lot of examples of people starting a family early and leading a successful life. Being a successful entrepreneur and being a father is a false dichotomy.

As I and others wrote already, if you want you can have both. Regarding "my plan is to get a dev job at a startup while working on new ideas during evenings/holidays/weekends, hoping to eventually raise some money and transition to work full time on something new"

You may also consider getting a job at a BIG company, getting more money and having more time to your side hustle.

Your life is what you optimize for. In my opinion it is totally possible to have a family and pursue entrepreneurship.

Paraphrasing Rich Dad, Poor Dad:

"I'm poor because I have kids"

"I'm rich because I have kids"

you dont rise to your ambition you will rise to your habbits

both work and love demand dedication if you want to succeed.

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