Comment by colonCapitalDee | Hacker News Reader

Comment by colonCapitalDee | Hacker News Reader

colonCapitalDee

This is something I've been struggling with myself. I remember how easy it was to just kill time with friends in high school, but now as an adult it feels so much harder. Thankfully, I think I've found a solution (or at least part of one): poker. Poker is like social crack. It makes players directly engage with each other, acts as a conversational centerpiece, and provides the perfect backdrop for shooting the shit. You start talking a smack after winning a hand, your buddy fires back, and people start laughing. Someone starts a sentence with "that reminds me of..." and suddenly you're all hanging out. As people get more comfortable (and inebriated) the game slows down. Add in some music or a game on TV, some snacks, drinks, and maybe some weed, and the entire experience becomes sublime. It's also easy to invite new people. Maybe you've always thought your coworker was a cool guy, but you've never been able to find a non-awkward way to start the transition from work-friends to just friends. With poker it's as easy as "hey, I'm hosting a poker game this Friday. Want to come?"

I was inspired by my Dad; he and his poker buddies (mostly other dads in the neighborhood) have been playing together for over a decade. They take trips to cities like Vegas every couple of years for milestones like 50th birthdays, and occasionally meet up on lazy sundays at sports bars. I started my own poker group with my friends after my dad brought me to one of his games.

A few tips for your first game:

    - make sure at least one person has the rules down pat

    - play with a small amount of money at stake (I do a $20 buy in). Without money on the line it's way to easy for people to lose interest and play recklessly, derailing the game

    - start the game late if you're worried about the group not gelling together. Starting late (I'd recommend 9 pm, YMMV) makes it feel more intimate, lessens the pressure to sustain a good time for hours, and reduces the suffering if the game flops

    - if the game is a success reach out within a couple of days to schedule the next one

    - you only need about two friends to put together a poker game. If they each bring a buddy then you've got a 5 person game

sounds interesting and well thought out. do you have any viable alternatives for people who don't gamble or drink?

Board games serve this purpose for a lot of people. YMMV though, not everybody likes them. (I would put myself in the "manages to have fun but wouldn't bother if my husband didn't love them" category.)

Catan or DND has a similar competitive yet low stakes vibe.

Here’s my secret: I host a night about once every two months and I bake soft pretzel bites with varying dipping sauces. People know I’m going to bake pretzels and this familiarity is comforting, but they also come to see what sauces I’m gonna have. I try to make them exotic at times

Alcohol is optional! Money is too. I know I recommended playing for money, but as long as people respect the game and don't play overly recklessly you don't need money. I will note however that there's a big difference between gambling for a small amount of money with friends, and gambling for real stakes in a casino.

If poker is completely off the table then board games are a great alternative. Make sure to pick a game that forces players to regularly interact with each other. I would recommend Wits and Wagers or the classic Settlers of Catan. If you're looking for a more serious strategy game (and if your group can tolerate the emotional highs and lows) I would strongly recommend Diplomacy.

Pen and paper RPGs like D&D can be great fun too, but they're harder to get started with and require the same group of people to play every time. If someone can't make it to a session the entire group can't play, and it's hard to bring in new people. But if you can get a game established with a good group it's amazing. I'm still friends with the people I played with in high school.

Golf! Same thing really, a dedicated couple hours to socialize with your buddies. Plus you are enjoying the outdoors too, and if someone has mobility issues they can rent a cart.

You can set the poker stakes so low that it effectively isn’t gambling. And poker is a game of skill, where good players can be profitable long run.

Huge difference between playing for $10 vs nothing. In a free game people tend to be much more reckless.

But $10 is not remotely like playing blackjack in a casino

Settlers of Catan? What's wrong with gambling $20? Everything you buy on Amazon is a freakin' gamble these days...

Main drawback: There are people who just need minutes to deliberate over their next action, this can kill a complete poker round.

To make this actionable: Invite only people where you suspect they're comfortable with uncertainty and don't want to optimize the s** out of every weak hand.

Analysis Paralysis is a common affliction known in pretty much any gaming and it's one of main reasons to avoid people. Nothing ruins a social night like someone dragging a game out for 6 hours because they think the result of said game is worth pissing off everyone else at the table.

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