Ignoring your sarcasm: nobody wants that, for good reason.
And like others have said, nginx comes with server side includes built in. It's the perfect amount of dynamic templating power with the minimal attack surface. Before anyone jumps in with, "but I can deploy (or other cargo cult terms) my website to a CDN if I use Hugo for templating." I question the utility and complexity of bringing in a CDN in this, minimum viable context or any personal website context.
There's a ton of value in 'just static pages', and if you do more than 1, not writing your own HTML is pretty great.