You mostly cannot move to Northern California and not double your housing costs. SF and SJ are 2 and 3 for highest cost of living in the country. The nicer suburbs cost even more than living in the cities. Maybe you can find a cheap place in Fruitvale or Richmond. If those seem too scary check out what it would cost to live in Alameda and take the ferry. That said, I found everything in the east bay to be a major headache if you have to do any sort of dual duty between the valley and SF. I found that trading square footage for location was worth it, but your wife and pets may not agree.