>No, you are not cynical, you are spot on. Crypto gains are worth nothing until you change it into currency. The same is true for stock gains.

Actually, stocks are slightly different. Because stocks are based on an underlying real company producing real services and goods, it's worth something even if you don't sell it. This is because stocks can pay dividends or do buy backs.

Crypto does not pay dividends or do buy backs. If they do, they should be classified as a security.