Comment by mikece | Hacker News Reader

Comment by mikece | Hacker News Reader

I would issue an email memo to her along the lines of: "Due to your allegation against me which stem from a lack of understanding and empathy for my medical condition, I have been advised* to limit my interaction with you to emails, texts, and chats which can be saved and referenced later. You're a valuable contributor to the team and success on this project would be difficult without your input. I hope you understand the need for this precaution and I look forward to our continued professional collaboration."

*You don't really need to say it was some rando on Hacker News who advised you... though if you're really concerned I would be proactive in contacting to HR first rather than being the one to react to an accusation. Citing your Asperger's and that she's being insensitive to your handicap, which is deeply hurtful and is leading to a hostile work environment might work too... allegations can go both ways and I presume you can document your Asperger's and she might not be able to document anything. Of course, you might want to get REAL counsel rather than just mine.

I agree with the spirit of this. I just think it’s a bit heavy handed in the communication. It will be perceived as aggressive and that’s not a good look for a man that has just been accused of sexism. Getting HR involved and framing it that you need reasonable accommodation to help you work with your Asperger’s and keep from offending teammates could be a good path.

Heavy-handed directness is a symptom of Aspberger's no? Personally I think that would be a super-power but I'm not an overly-sensitive person looking for validation of my existence at work.

It really is a handicap and not a superpower. Resources in groups are given to people that are liked, not those who deserve them. Maintaining positive relationships is the best way to secure resources. Using aggressive communication is going to shut down other people and they will not give you anything. Without resources, your work product will be limited, less relevant and likely to be discarded after you leave.

I apologize if my lack of understand of the condition was taken as a flippant comment. Your response only bolsters the suggestion that the OP needs to assert a need for reasonable accommodation from narrow-minded prejudiced people who might interpret his actions as sexist or in any way reflective of a less than favorable view of his coworkers in general and the one in particular.

This might cause more tension then needed.

At least it will be mutual and documented. As a person who rarely shares conflicts with others I can tell you that people who do that may go to great lenghts as if it was an afternoon walk and feel great about it. If someone takes out a knife of vague accusation, they’re not your potential friend.

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