>>>> Especially “Punchy” and “Warm.” Every time I hear those words, I want to throttle somebody.

I've seen this first-hand. I'm a bassist. When you ask any bassist about their sound, they all say that they want it to be "punchy." Every bass, amplifier, and speaker is described as "punchy." If not, it doesn't even make it to the market.

Protip: To overcome any problem with your sound, turn the volume up a bit. This is also a known trick in the studio, and the equipment showroom: Make a few arbitrary adjustments, then play it back again, but with the volume turned up.