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Working on yourself will lead you where you want to go. Wishing you health, happiness and peace, and the same for anybody else reading this.

"Working on yourself will lead you where you want to go" sorry, but this is one of the worst lies ever.

Given that this guy has the ability to obtain a partner in the first place, it probably will for him

If you get on a train, you are statistically more likely to reach your destination than just sitting on your ass. Yes, you may die in a fiery trainwreck, but getting on the train will lead you in the direction to where you intend to go.

If you do nothing, expect nothing.

If you attempt to work on your personal problems, be they psychological, physical, financial, whatever, you are more likely to make a change in your life than just accepting that this is your life.

Yea, more likely is the correct term. 100% agree on that. Unlike in travel, there is no map or compass to show you the right direction.

Especially, when the outcome is exact opposite than intended after many, many months of hard work on yourself.

Struggling with autism, I not infrequently get on the wrong literal non-metaphorical train, stand on the wrong platform for an hour, pass the station I'm meant to disembark. It's rough. But you can extrapolate that idea to working on yourself too—sometimes we forget to get off the metaphorical train, don't know which train we're meant to be getting, not even sure how to get somewhere, but as long as someone is trying to get somewhere rather than just being content with where they are, I think that's beneficial in most scenarios.

I've also struggled with depression, hence the "sitting on your ass", wallowed for many years and just tread water. Execute on intent—do something—carpe diem—make a change—you can always make another—just don't accept your life as-is if you're unhappy with it.

I have to thank you for the positive mindset you're trying to teach us here!

Also, as you say, it is very important to not accept bad state -- this is so important I can't stress it enough. Even more, because of how some generic people mindset can easily get you into "learned helplessness" state.

> it is very important to not accept bad state

If you’re going through hell, keep going!

If you get on a train you are statistically more likely to end up somewhere completely random a long way from where you wanted to be.

Unless you already know it's the right train, in which case you probably already have a ticket and are standing on the platform with your baggage.

> If you get on a train, you are statistically more likely to reach your destination than just sitting on your ass.

Donkeys may be slow but they’ll get you there eventually.

No need to immediately jump on a fast train when things will eventually turn around…or not.

A relationship can end like that after 20 years? Oh my god. That's basically my whole life. I can't imagine sharing that much of my life, that much time, with another person and then the relationship ending on our terms. Like, they didn't die, or they didn't drink a vial of cancer serum accidentally and whoops I have cancer now I'm dying bye. It ended because you started hating each other? After all that time? That's insane for me to even fathom.

I can't even imagine the growth, personally, and in the other person to happen through all that time and to share that time together in a relationship. And then, after all that, it can end because the relationships sours? That almost black pills me on all relationships lmao

Luckily, I also can't fathom how people have trouble being with themselves. I'm grateful that I feel as though I'm my own best friend in a way. I like who I am, even with vast room for improvement, and I feel like I do a pretty good job of guiding myself through life to make it a reasonably fulfilling adventure while helping myself become a better person (mostly). From where I'm at now, working on myself and pursuing my hobbies is all I want to do. Introducing the noise of a relationship into it seems... messy.

A relationship is like anything else. If you don’t consistently invest in it, it will atrophy.

It is scary.

You need to go talk to women in some sort of public setting, rather than expecting them to show up in the office. Don't just accept being lonely.

> On the one hand, I get lonely, intensely lonely at times. And I miss the companionship I had (before it got awful.)

I know the feeling, though perhaps not so deeply. My LTR was only 7 years.

> Dating seems dire these days as well.

Depending on your religious moors, you might consider hitting some conservative churches.

> Depending on your religious moors, you might consider hitting some conservative churches.

If OP is a Spaniard, they might not like "religious moors".

Not to be pedantic, but I think you meant "mores" (pronounced like "morays").

Oh, thank you!

I always thought it was a sailing reference to moorings.

The Spaniard I met in Grenada was definitely complaining to me about moros necios lol