The sort of people who can make it in the tech world are smart, motivated, powerful people. If they find the tech world uninviting, they have plenty of options elsewhere. So it's perfectly possible that you could survey a hundred women in tech and find that all but a handful don't notice or don't mind their peers' attitudes towards women, but that if you were to survey a hundred women who could be in tech, 95% of them would find the behavior unacceptable.
You left out an important subset, here: Those who notice, and mind, perhaps even mind a lot, but who know better than to admit it out loud, because doing so won't help them.
Does she mean he has a physical impairment, which would seem more than a bit crass to point out in the context, or is this an idiomatic/euphemistic expression that isn't coming over right?
http://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=tone+deaf%2Cclu...
burgeoning, is, compared to erstwhile:
http://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=erstwhile%2Cbur...
erstwhile replaced quondam in about 1910:
http://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=erstwhile%2Cquo...