There's a bit in Snow Crash that goes on an on about being the "baddest motherfucker in the world". How if only you had the right training or thirst for revenge or whatever, you could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. And then it says Hiro doesn't have to worry about that because the position is taken (in the novel, by antagonist and terrorist Raven).

So when I worry about not being the baddest motherfucker in the world, I just remind myself that we live in a universe with Kristy Hawkins in it. Kristy Hawkins graduated summa cum laude from Texas A&M University and got her Ph.D. in chemical engineering from CalTech. She did this while pursuing a bodybuilding career that took her to the Ms. Olympia stage. As a point of reference, Dolph Lundgren decided he could only do one or the other and forwent his Ph.D. in favor of bodybuilding and acting.

Currently, Kristy is a principal in a biotech startup that has had enormous success synthesizing pharmaceutical compounds from yeast, so she is not even in the unfortunate position of so many biochem Ph.D.s, grinding away as a postdoc in some dead-end non-tenure university job. She's making serious money.

And she is the #2 powerlifter in the world by DOTS score. Not the #2 female powerlifter. The #2 powerlifter.

So if there ever were a candidate for baddest motherfucker in the world, Kristy Hawkins definitely is one. And I know I will never be as good at... seemingly everything as Kristy Hawkins is. So I try to focus my energy on things I know I can do and things I enjoy getting better at, like programming, cooking, and taking care of my wife and the animals. Ultimately that last bit is the most important thing, doing right by those you care about.

Just take some time each day to remind yourself that you will never be the baddest motherfucker in the world. And you will never quiet the stern angry voice of your father in your head telling you you fucked up, you failed, you weren't good enough. So get rid of the need to be the baddest (because it'll never happen) and ignore your father's voice. Your real father will get old anyway and as he ages he will realize what an asshole he's been and mellow out and reforge a bond with the person you are, not the person he wishes you were. (That is if he's anything like mine. And just substitute mother for father if she was the one doing most of the pushing.) Just focus on doing things you love and don't be afraid of screwing up! Every chess grandmaster lost many games getting to where they are. The winner of the Tour de France fell off their bike dozens of times learning to ride.