Incidentally the new B-21 apparently won't be black. Maybe they have a new RAM paint formulation that doesn't force the choice of black.
And you're forgetting the U-2 and SR-71, which lacked full blown RCS reduction geometry but were still fitted with the black RAM coating (the SR-71 also had some stealth geometry; that was the purpose of the chines.)
This is one of the classic online nerd arguments, much of which is documented there. I’m a little terrified of reigniting the whole thing here and now to be honest, but if people want to get into it, have fun.
The problem with Starlink vs other satellites isn’t just the individual brightness but the vast number of them, and that they are often visible in a swarm.