Oh, and it’s actually neither of those but if you wish _reaaaaly_ hard and ignore all the practical problems, it might be, someday.
> helps people without access to banking but with a stable, constant internet connection and perfect operational security
You don't need constant internet connection unless you are mining or want to verify a payment right now. And mobile internet and smartphones are surprisingly prevalent in the third world (and among homeless in the first world).
So as a store of value Bitcoin actually has a good track record and is trending towards lower volatility as adoption grows.
People really need to stop thinking in absolute terms regarding value storage. It’s analogous to energy storage. Batteries leak energy over time, but we don’t sit around yelling about how they are not stores of energy.
Maybe not a lot, but people literally do use it for this purpose everyday. You can't just wave that away, given that it is working to some extent now.