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Doesn't that make the page completely unreadable for those few who have Javascript disabled though?

Yes, this breaks the fundamental web concept of graceful degradation.

You add a simple <noscript> tag to the top of the body that does the right thing for them

Too bad that visibility:hidden will hide this noscript tag.

Disabled JS != disabled CSS.

The only purpose of the noscript tag is turn the visibility back on and maybe setup some other noscript-specific styling.

Thanks for clarification, that’s a neat idea.