Is this really about "fixing sexism", when she herself notes that the man page was changed 6 years ago? It reads more like attention-seeking (or rather validation-seeking, seeing the response) behavior to me.

>A very common bit of misogyny is saying the second while meaning the first.

Maybe. That sounds more like a motte-and-bailey. It could be misogyny, or it could be something else. Obviously someone looking for misogyny will think the ulterior motive is misogyny, but it could be just about anything.

>So if Vanessa had an objection to some of my writing that struck me as related to gender, I might politely ask her for details, but would see it as my burden to do any deeper work.

Everyone is accommodating, until the complaint is about something you care about. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. That's all I'll say.