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Comment by maukdaddy | Hacker News Reader

This just makes me sad for the industry as a whole. Unbelievable that in today's world women have to put up with this.

Guys, want to know how you can help change these kinds of attitudes? When you see/hear another guy make these kinds of comments, pull them aside and have a talk. Maybe it's a gentle reminder of how hurtful and counterproductive these kinds of attitudes are, or maybe it's a forceful "I never want to hear that shit again" - depends on the type of personality you're dealing with. Regardless, you need to have the difficult conversations with friends or colleagues who act this way, because turning a blind eye and ignoring the problem doesn't help anyone.

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I think it has to be immediate and public. That doesn't mean severe or disrespectful. Everyone has to do it, but it certainly should be set up from the top down that this is unacceptable and will stop.

I take a page from the Results Only Work Environment: http://www.rowe.iambestbuy.com/sludge_busting.html

Immediate and public is certainly the best approach, although it might depend on the environment, who is present, etc. Sometimes a conversation in private might be better.

You are exactly correct in regards to top down. A leader, manager, boss, etc. should immediately send the message that inappropriate behavior is not tolerated.

I broadly agree with you; this reply isn't for you inasmuch as it's to just continue the chain - my only caution about the "in private" is that it makes it an issue between the manager and the employee. The mgr can't be around for everything; it's up to the team to self police.

Sirens and other things cause public shaming when someone breaks the build; there needs to be a public and team-based shaming for inappropriate behavior.

Maukdaddy says that "it depends on the type of personality you're dealing with," and I think that's very true with regards to immediate-and-public versus later-and-in-private. With many people, an embarrassing confrontation in front of the whole team will cause them to dig deeper, because their pride is on the line. The same person might respond more thoughtfully to a private expression of disapproval.

An advantage of doing it in public is that others can see that it's been done. This could include victims of the oppressive joke who will now see justice previal and might stand a smidge taller, and possible future (or past) 'offendors' who will see that that they should be more professional and not make the same mistake as the other person.

It's appropriate to take someone to task privately, while still making public statements of principles and expectations, even alluding to "the tenor of conversational has been unprofessional a few times recently, and it's not healthy, it's not productive, and it's not acceptable. If you hear something that's not right, talk to the speaker, or your manager, or HR, or the CEO. If someone tells you that you've crossed a line, make an adjustment and let's keep working as a team. ".

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