What happened was that onedrive was stuck trying to upload my VMs (I had those in my _local_ documents folder, which onedrive claimed ownership of during reinstallation without telling me). Onedrive never showed my excel file in the list of files it was uploading, so it could have either tried to do the VMs first and never got to the excel file or quietly errored out on that without ever uploading it.
In any case, I'm still dealing with the fallout of the fatal mistake I made: Trusting a microsoft product to do the absolute fucking basics.
Maybe I'll learn this time.