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Comment by teekert | Hacker News Reader

“Children are taught never to speak to unknown grown-ups, especially those regarded by their parents as untrustworthy.”

Not my kids, they talk to anyone. When they ask me a question about someone I encourage them to ask the person. When the want something I encourage them to ask (respectfully). They always, always get nice responses and I get friendly conversations afterwards. Think of yourself, how would you react? Well 99.999 of people would react the same.

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I'm generally in a mood such that someone starting some small talk to me turns around my whole day for the better. Of course, if there is some back and forth etc the effect is stronger..

I would react politely to your children and, if further engaged by you, continue to converse with you politely.

I would also genuinely, deeply, and silently dislike every second of the forced interaction.

99.999% of people might react the same, but that doesn’t mean we all feel the same.

Sounds like you need to work on your disengagement skills.

Disengagement works because not everyone out there is trying to talk to everyone. If you change cultural norms such that every child should talk to strangers a lot, it'll be tiring to have to do this "disengagement" 10 times a day.

And the risk for this happening… Do you think it’s a big risk? These days, a lot of kids just engage with their smartphone instead.

I'm pretty boring in person but there are definitely times I know strangers are curious about me. And those tend to be times I really don't want attention.

catiopatio says:>"I would also genuinely, deeply, and silently dislike every second of the forced interaction."<

No verbal interaction is forced, especially one initiated by a child toward an adult.

Act as you wish. Young people need to see examples of persons who are abnormal, maladjusted or even insane so that they can recognize them and learn how to deal with them in the future. Their Dad can explain that too.

I’m neither abnormal, maladjusted, or insane, and behaving politely towards children in such a circumstance is basic decency.

Your assumptions certainly appear to demonstrate the inappropriate views many have towards those of us who do not particularly value their company.

But who will explain to the young people that perhaps it is their Dad that is maladjusted or even insane? That their Dad is operating under a very silly pretense that children will be just as able and willing to politely accept social queues from adults? Or that verbal interactions with children, while not technically forced, are pretty strongly incentivized to go one particular way due to an implicit social contract? No one explains that to them in my experience. Because of that, some of those kids even grow up to write pompous, self-absorbed comments that show their lack of understanding of these dynamics, like yours, on this website.

> a very silly pretense that children will be just as able and willing to politely accept social queues from adults?

Well no, they probably wont a lot of the time. That's somewhat the point though. To learn you have to practice. To learn you have to fail.

If you don’t want to talk to them, why not just say so? “I’m afraid I’m busy, I hope you understand” or “Excuse me, but I would prefer to mind my own business”. They might not love the response, but no sane person would continue the conversation after that.

Also, out of sheer curiosity, may I ask why you would dislike the interaction?

It’s generally easier to carry the conversation to its natural conclusion — people tend to respond inordinately negatively to being bluntly told when others are not interested in a conversation.

As to your last question, the “why” is simple. I find small talk to be both pointless and exhausting. I prefer to be left alone, and for those with nothing to say to say nothing.

Interesting perspective. However, I’m not sure what it is that’s blunt about saying “no” in a polite manner. People have the right to attempt conversation, but you have no obligation to engage. Oh well, I guess you have a strategy already.

If you walk the footsteps of a stranger you will learn the things you never knew, you never knew. I certainly respect your attitude but a bit of interest in the unknown and bit of kindness can bring you a lot in life. But of course, you have the right to close yourself to unknown people. It is a thing of these times. Close yourself from others, open up to the toiletscroller, it's easier, more instant reward.

Your message merely says a great deal about you and your judgement of those of us who aren’t interested in making small talk with you.

You have no wisdom (great or small) to impart while using others to assuage your need for external social validation.

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