For the most part you've defended PHP's behavior as design decisions or offered workarounds. Workarounds just demonstrate that the language is Turing-complete. Design decisions are only okay if they actually make a useful tradeoff; these generally do not.
I can give you individual responses if you really want, but I suspect you won't be swayed no matter what I say. I will comment:
PHP doesn't need a module system? What? Once your program consists of more than two files, you're going to want to import stuff from one into the other in a structured manner.