Thank you for the recommendation. I worry about developing a dependency to ketamine, but in NY state where I live, it is legal for therapeutic purposes. I might consider it. I prefer microdoses of psilocybin, since I have a bias towards plant medicine, and I know exactly where the fungus came from :)

And just a funny note re: dancing -- part of my healing journey has been through ecstatic dance. It is a completely sober practice of dancing intuitively and freely with others. While I love ecstatic dance and can easily dance with no fear or anxiety, even in non-ecstatic spaces, I cannot actually speak to strangers or express my desire to become friends with someone.

It's easier for me to dance with complete strangers than it is to converse with them :) One of my most recent social struggles has been the discrepancy between intensely beautiful and intimate bonds formed with people while practicing ecstatic dance, and then finding myself completely unable bond with them via conversation after the dance is over.

I sometimes wish I lived in a world where no one knew my language and it was ok to have a partnership that relied only on body language. Relying on speech to bond with others has failed me for decades and I don't understand why.