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Comment by bombcar | Hacker News Reader

And make sure you appraise her of it - shenanigans like buying something else and passing it off as a diamond could result in her being absolutely embarrassed in front of her friends, which should not be a position you want to put her in.

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From what I hear, moissanite (and man-made diamonds) are pretty much indistinguishable from natural diamonds. How would someone's friends figure out that it's not a natural diamond? I would think the only way the wife would know is if she asked about the diamond's papers, if she was going to get an insurance policy for it or something.

Lying to your spouse is wrong even if you can't think of a way you would get caught.

I wasn't advocating for lying, just pointing out that one would not easily be embarrassed in front of friends with the substitutes available today.

Moissanite has a different refractive index and dispersion. They do look different.

Synthetic diamonds are insitinguishable to the naked eye from natural diamonds (hint: they contain less impurities), but the moissante refracts the light in a different, more colourful, way that I personally don't like. Lab grown diamonds are the way to go if you or your partner don't like moissante, DeBeers or forced child labour. Specialized jewelers can tell if a diamond is lab grown or natural.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_diamond

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_labour_in_the_diamond_...

There are cheap handheld thermal conductivity testers that will immediately distinguish diamond from moissanite and other stimulants.

But who goes around asking their friends to let them test their diamonds with their thermal tester?

Insane people, but let's not pretend those don't exist.

You can also tell these particular people, if they’re insane and toxic enough to try such things, to fuck off.

I'm no expert, but there's a lot of misinformation around this point. Apparently there is no 100% reliable test apart from spectrometry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE51TMRJn8U

> How would someone's friends figure out that it's not a natural diamond? I would think the only way the wife would know is if she asked about the diamond's papers, if she was going to get an insurance policy for it or something.

It actually doesn't matter how she finds out that you lied to her about the biggest life change she will ever experience for the rest of her life. What matters is that lying to a person you want to marry is a sure-fire way to end the marriage at some definite future point.

Arguing that it's okay because you will never be found out isn't relevant.

> Arguing that it's okay because you will never be found out isn't relevant.

I didn't argue this at all, and in a reply to another comment below, 3 hours before your comment, I made it clear that all I was saying was that it's a bit farfetched to say someone is going to be embarrassed in front of her friends because of the ring.

>> Arguing that it's okay because you will never be found out isn't relevant.

> I didn't argue this at all,

I apologise. In the bit that I quoted, specifically this sentence:

>>>> I would think the only way the wife would know is [...]

it appeared to me that you were arguing that the wife would never know unless [...] happened. To me, that sentence implies deceiving the wife.

The social dynamics you are describing at first come across as absurd. It is so divorced from any lived experience, instead resembling something out of satire or a sitcom. Then of course I remember some people earnestly live like this, and then it is just sad.

Seriously. So much identity and self worth tied up in a stone. I can’t imaging being that obsessed with impressing people with something I bought.

Not everyone wants to spend $20,000 on a rock so that their spouse isn’t “embarrassed in front of her friends.”

Sure, but calling them your spouse then not giving a crap about their feelings is not fair. You were free to marry someone else, who thinks more in line the way you do.

You are making unjustified assumptions.

I am a person who doesn't wish to spend $20,000 on a rock so that my wife won't be embarrassed in front of her friends. And that is why I chose to marry a woman who thinks that spending $20,000 on a rock is a silly thing to do.

You both figuratively said the same thing...

> that is why I chose to marry a woman

That was my point. If you married someone who doesn't like diamonds, fine.

The original comment was about "shenanigans like buying something else and passing it off as a diamond". Isn't there anything your partner likes? Would you buy something else because you don't wish to spend $X on Y, "passing it off as Y", and embarrass her in front of her friends?

Exactly. The deception is the problem and secretly buying a “real conflict” diamond for a woman who doesn’t want to be involved with it would be just as bad.

Intentionally deceiving the person you want to spouse isn’t the way to play the game.

Get a lab diamond. It will end up costing around a quarter of the price.

Or have fewer flaws, more colourless, more brilliance, be larger, for the same price.

Same thing, just that's more convincing to some people/shows it's not 'cheaping out', it's just a better deal.

> Not everyone wants to spend $20,000 on a rock so that their spouse isn’t “embarrassed in front of her friends.”

That's not the argument, AIUI. The argument is "Go ahead and spend $FOO on a rock, just be sure not to lie about how much you spent".

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