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Comment by Phoenix12052023 | Hacker News Reader

Phoenix12052023

I'm deeply cynical that polyamory is "popular" outside of select corners of the Internet. Why? I'm just going to be blunt and say it: very few men are going to tolerate a situation where their wife or girlfriend is having sex with several other guys and they aren't having sex with several other women for long. Given how supply and demand for casual sex works, that's going to be what happens, more often than not. This is the sort of situation that could turn very explosive, very fast.

And that's before we to whether most people are temperamentally suited to the emotions of "sharing" something this intimate, or the child-raising angle. Just because it can work for some doesn't mean it'll work en masse for most people.

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Bertrand Russell came to mind when I read this. I remember reading some story featuring a flustered Russell at the dinner table with his wife Dora, her baby (by another man), and the other man. Now Russell had gone preaching and practicing free love for a long time but now he was on the receiving end.

https://philosophynews.com/what-can-be-learned-from-bertrand...

A society of emasculated males will tolerate the situation. It’s possible we’re watching patriarchy molt into matriarchy or some bonobo monkey thing. TBD, but as for OP, my perception is that the media conglomerates are leading indicators and not trailing indicators. They introduce these subjects to normalize them.

Worse than that, he left her for another woman over the situation (contrary to his progressive claims)

> but upon Dora becoming pregnant with another man’s child, the marriage seemed to fall prey to its own progressiveness.[10] The weir of liberal thinking gave way to intense jealousy and bitter resentment, resulting in Russell’s writing of boastful letters describing his youthful conquests across the Atlantic, and his eventual leaving of Dora for their children’s governess, Patricia.[11] He abandoned the campaigns he and Dora had together founded (including their beloved boarding school) and threw himself into the next chapter of his life with bags haphazardly packed.

The private desire to please oneself motivates apathy to any strict morality forbidding that self-pleasure. I suspect more so than any supposed rationality; see atheists and religion.

The article on Russell is actually quite relevant to the overall discussion on polyamory & unfaithfulness. The final quote by Russell on his realization of what eluded him in his life, nails it.

  Through the long years
  I sought peace
  I found ecstasy, I found anguish,
  I found madness,
  I found loneliness,
  I found the solitary pain
  that gnaws the heart,
  But peace I did not find.
  Now, old & near my end,
  I have known you,
  And, knowing you,
  I have found both ecstasy &amp; peace
  I know rest
  After so many lonely years.
  I know what life & love may be.
  Now, if I sleep
  I shall sleep fulfilled.

> I suspect the private desire to please oneself motivates apathy to a strict morality forbidding that self-pleasure. More so than any supposed rationality; see atheists and religion.

That theory of yours has legs, imo. (see below ;)

> Through the long years

Russell is borrowing heavily from king Solomon here .. /g

Same with all these cuckold fetishists on the internet. It's a fringe, rounding error.

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