> I want one of these Linux handhelds so much but they all have these clicky push button keyboards.
As someone who has programmed ESP32s, I doubt that they can run Linux. The ones I have (Risc-V versions) just don't have the RAM necessary, nor a memory management unit.
Maybe once they start coming with 32MB of RAM and an MMU it'll feasible to put a stripped-down Linux kernel on it.