Hacker News Reader

Comment by verisimi | Hacker News Reader

> The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way.

Like what? Define amazing. Become the founder of some extractive start up? Write some bs science and gain a nobel prize? Be the best chess player?

My view is that you always have to put yourself together. Intellect is simply a factor, but so is honesty and the state of your heart. You can be very smart and you can still be stupid. You sound a bit resentful, but do you ever consider that your experience grants you the opportunity to lead life away from the well-travelled track to success, and do something personally and actually meaningful?

View on HN

> do you ever consider that your experience grants you the opportunity to lead life away from the well-travelled track to success, and do something personally and actually meaningful?

Like what, fail in an entertaining manner?

Imagine telling a malnourished child that their experience grants them the opportunity to lead life away from the well-tasted fruit to satiation, and do something personally and actually meaningful, while starving to death.

That's how stupid that sounds. "Have you tried eating dirt?"

My definition of amazing at this point is not being useless then dying alone and unloved.

To pile on to what another commenter said above, therapy is for you.

I know you dismissed it out of hand. You clearly have no faith that someone (specifically, a well-trained therapist) might have something valuable to contribute.

However, while your powers of observation might border on superhuman, they are still very much just yours. A therapist can help you build an emotional toolset you will not otherwise provide yourself, and which will make you a more complete person, not least of all in the area of building and maintaining meaningful interpersonal relationships.

Think of it like this: you can read music theory and memorize the entire western classical canon by heart and still be a terrible piano player, never improving if you don’t show up to practice at the keys with a talented teacher.

One simply cannot reason ones way around the emotional core that drives us as humans.

CBT will help you change your behavior and how things feel, but, imho, psychodynamic psychotherapy can go much deeper and truly improve your emotional IQ.

> One simply cannot reason ones way around the emotional core that drives us as humans.

Found the flaw in your argument. I am not driven by emotions. If therapy is all about that then all the more reason to not waste time with it.

My (accurate accounting of) history with building and maintaining meaningful interpersonal relationships is fine. Why do you assume I need help with that?

In these comments I see a lot of imagining problems I supposedly have right now, when all I did was share the problems I used to suffer from, in the context of a discussion about the systemic, environmental deficiencies in how society is structured causing massive waste of human potential.

Therapy takes time and money. I don't use emotions to make decisions on how to invest my time and money. You're arguing in favor of investing my time and money into a questionably effective solution to an imagined problem.

This planet has a lot of time left in it for humans to do things. One human missing an opportunity doesn't lead to the statistical outcome that that opportunity wont be fulfilled in the future. An individual is not that important to humanity as a whole progressing. Live your life.

Its not a game of aggregation, despite everything you have been told. Oneself is not humanity at large.

Ignore the jumped-up, self proclaimed authorities, the things they have taught you, the servile mentality and mental structure you are in.

Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Every individual is infinitely valuable. It's simple too - just forget everything you know, and do right, by following truth and love. It costs nothing.

PS I recognise that I must sound like a fruitcake, but the answers come from within. The revolution will not be televised.

> Oneself is the only thing important in one's life.

Also known as narcissism.

With the next bit...

> Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Every individual is infinitely valuable.

Is that narcissistic too?

Yes. There's no such thing as "infinite value" and certainly not for every individual. Our value, especially as men, is entirely tied to our ability to get shit done. If you do nothing, you are literally worthless.

Are you an adolescent?

Possibly depends on your definition of adolescence. I'm 35. Wikipedia says "age provides only a rough marker of adolescence, and scholars have not agreed upon a precise definition", so if you want me to answer you accurately, you're going to have to provide more definition.

> There’s nothing that a therapist can tell me that I don’t already know…

Also known as arrogance.

From your many statements in this thread, you seem to be articulate and, if your cited accomplishments are truthful, generally successful. But your presumptive posturing, bordering on incurious, and projections on others for perceived failures suggests that you’re likely underestimating just how much you don’t know. “Intelligence” is a nebulous concept that manifests in a variety of ways that can be frequently difficult to pin down. Humility and the capacity for making honest evaluations for one’s own limits is a distinct form of emotional intelligence that you might find can enhance the more conventional notions of intellect that you seem to possess.

Things like higher education and therapy are not necessarily designed to imbue you with wholly novel information and experiences, absent a considerable amount of initiative and work from within. They are frameworks for providing the tools so you can achieve your potential. Nothing is perfect, you might very well find that they sometimes fail in that effort, but you are responsible for putting forth the good faith efforts to engage with these tools if you wish to achieve the success that they can facilitate.

That’s my perspective, anyway, and I wish you all the best on your path.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com