I would let go of this victim mentality sooner rather than later.
Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual.
So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence.
As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, and awareness of the issue is the antidote to preventing something similar from happening to others, especially by my doing.
You are attempting to null my experience, I don't know why, but you're failing at it because you cannot null the cold, hard, objective, measurable facts simply by saying "nuh uh".
Yes, the life you could've had but didn't exists only in your imagination.
>You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence.
No, it isn't. Some children do alright in shit circumstances, while some fail to in great circumstances. And some people suffer despite the trappings of success while others are content with what others may describe as failure.
>As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be,
Do you think any suffering in childhood inevitably leads to a lifetime of inescapable suffering? If not, just how much early suffering does it take? If a child who suffered slightly less can get over it, why not the one who suffered slightly more?
But nobody is going to make you change. You will either wake up one day and be so tired of your own bullshit that you will start to change. Or you won't. It's really all up to you.
These grandiose achievements as you put them consist of basic necessities for survival. The fact you use words like "grandiose" reveals a deeply dismissive attitude towards the suffering of others. I'm guessing, because you've completely dismissed your own suffering, along with the benefits of accurate accounting. Maybe that was the only way for you to move forward. I'm capable of having awareness and accounting and still moving forward.
You seem to be so afraid of past truth you're literally exclaiming "it doesn't matter" while intensely commenting on mine and sharing your own. So clearly it does matter to some repressed part of you.
> no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away.
Soo... stop feeling the pain and just do accurate accounting. Why are you making this so complicated?
> And finally I'm putting it behind me.
No offense, the way you talk doesn't sound like that's actually happening.
There's a ridiculously destructive belief if I've ever heard one. Your PHD is an accurate accounting of your research. Your bank account is an accurate accounting of your earnings. I hope your wonderful girlfriend is accurate in her accounting of your relationship, because the alternative is she's cheating on you. See where this is going?
Dismissing accurate accounting of anything, including history, is a recipe for disaster.
Accurate accounting is the #1 skill that has drastically improved my quality of life.
> But nobody is going to make you change. You will either wake up one day and be so tired of your own bullshit that you will start to change.
You seem to be under the false belief that I'm somehow stuck unable to change. Don't know where this is coming from, but it smells of projection. You're dismissing accurate counting of history so hard it's almost like you're afraid to face the truth.
I'm not afraid of an accurate accounting of the truth, on the contrary. We call that wisdom.